In 1983, Mike McNeill ran into an “unreasonable customer”
As a captain on a de Havilland Dash-7 aircraft, Mike prepared to make a flight from Killeen, Texas, to Dallas. A 45-minute hop. Shortly after the airplane leveled off, a passenger came into the cockpit and suggested a new destination: Cuba.
When McNeil turned around and saw an Uzi machine gun leveled at his head, he knew he would need more than flying skills to manage the crisis. At the trigger, was Hussein Kholya, a hyper young man in his 20s. Like a cobra out of its basket, the man was agitated and unpredictable.
Bring out the magic: Empathy, sweetened with a bit of banter
Mike knew the 4-engine de Havilland did not have enough fuel to make it to Cuba. Yet he had to be careful in rejecting the hijacker’s request out of hand. Therefore, McNeil and the copilot, Frank Flores, began to unwrap a subtle counter offer: Empathy – sweetened with a bit of banter.
McNeill and Flores calmly, and slowly, built rapport with Kholya, chatting with him, treating him like an equal. They brought out pictures of their families, talked openly, even injected some light-hearted humor.
Flores had a college class that night. If he missed it without good reason, he’d be marked down. As the 3-men discussed the dilemma, McNeill came up with a common-sense solution. He asked Hussein if he could write a note to the teacher. Chuckling, Hussein dutifully wrote the note: “Please excuse Frank from class, due to his hijacking.” An easy, almost magical rapport was beginning to transform the relationship.
Indeed, Forbes Magazine confirms the wisdom of the wise-crack. In the article, Why Jokes are Helpful to Leaders in a Crisis, its reported, “a shared joke transforms two or more people into a conspiracy by releasing the neurotransmitter, oxytocin into the brain. This deepens rapport, intimacy, and trust.”
What the crew were doing, was nothing short of brilliant. They gave Hussein what every human being craves: a sense of importance, and respect, sweetened with a touch of humor. By building a relationship with the hijacker, they transformed a high-level crisis, into a manageable situation of rapport and cooperation.
Transforming a Situation: The Power of Empathy
As the flight continued, Hussein’s demands began to soften. He made a concession: forget Cuba. Mexico would do. Mike obliged him.
They turned the aircraft toward Laredo. By this time, the relationship (and attendant humor) began to ramp up. On the approach to land, Flores went so far as to “warn” Kholya of the impending landing. “After this guy (McNeill) lands, he said, you’ll need a chiropractor.” The machine-gun wielding hijacker, was now thoroughly enjoying the light banter and camaraderie.
Meanwhile, the Mexican equivalent of the FBI was notified and positioning themselves at the airport. After McNeill landed, the three men talked for hours. It took time and patience, but Hussein Kholya was finally persuaded to surrender to the Mexican authorities.
The Lesson: How to Manage Your Real World Conflicts
While the hijacking incident was extreme, it offers invaluable lessons for managing conflict, in low, and high-pressure situations. In fact, it’s almost guaranteed you will encounter your own type of “hijacker” sometime this week: unreasonable customers, frustrated colleagues, demanding friends, troublesome family members, even difficult or unruly children. How you handle those situations can define your success.
1. Mental Preparedness: Be Ready for the Unexpected
The first key lesson from McNeill’s experience is preparation. Just as pilots prepare for turbulent weather, mechanical failures, or passenger disruptions, we must mentally prepare for the challenges that arise in our personal and professional lives. In other words, we must not be surprised or blindsided when trouble arrives, but remain calm and resolute under pressure.
2. Lead with Empathy
Empathy may be considered a “soft skill,” but it’s also a powerful tool in diffusing tension. Whether you’re dealing with a disgruntled client or stressed-out colleague, the way you approach the situation can make all the difference. In McNeill’s case, he and his co-pilot turned a life-threatening dilemma into a peaceful resolution simply by tapping into a bit of empathy.
3. Build Relationships, Even in Conflict
Every conflict is an opportunity to strengthen relationships. Just like McNeill and his crew, you can transform a relationship by building rapport and acknowledging the other person’s feelings, showing respect, and finding common ground. In fact, simple listening, shows respect, and is often enough to de-escalate a situation.
How Can You Apply These Lessons?
Take a moment to think about your own work environment. Are there situations where you feel “hijacked?” The following is a simple four-step formula (taken from our best-selling book, Pull Up! Lead, Succeed, and Achieve, Despite Snafus, Setbacks or Sucker Punches) to help you resolve conflicts before they escalate. To help you remember the key points, think of the word, “LEAD.”
- Listen Calmly: Allow the other person to vent without reacting. Sometimes, letting someone express their frustration can dissipate the intensity of the conflict.
- Empathize: Understand where the other person is coming from. What are their needs, concerns, or fears? Acknowledge those feelings before offering solutions.
- Assess the Situation: Think through the options and what’s achievable, and acceptable. What concession or compromise is available? Have you considered all alternatives?
- Downsize the Differences: Find common ground and focus on solutions. Highlight shared goals or interests that can bring both parties closer together.
Keep this idea in your back pocket for quick and easy reference. You’ll discover it can be applied to everyday challenges, from managing your kids, to handling difficult clients, deals, or deadlines
Conclusion: Be “the calm” in the storm
Calm and cool leadership is needed now more than ever. McNeill’s true story gives us an excellent “flying lesson” where we can view challenging confrontations from a higher perch. With a bit of empathy, preparation, and a calm frame of mind, you can turn even the most threatening situations into opportunities for growth and resolution.
So, the next time you feel “hijacked,” remember this lesson from the cockpit. Lead with empathy, show respect, be prepared to remain calm and solution-based, and you’ll resolve the toughest conflicts that come your way!
Related Reading: For more insights on leadership skills, using similar aviation-bases examples, check out Team One – Become Your Best and Lead the Rest. Or simply go to our Flight Store for unique gear and helpful workplace content.